There are many reasons why premature ejaculation occurs, ranging from sexual inexperience and over-excitement to various health and lifestyle issues. Nearly forty percent of men around the world are affected by premature ejaculation at some point in their lives. Depending on what the underlying issue is, the sexual dysfunction can be temporary, but it can also be a chronic condition. That’s when things get really serious – if you don’t resolve the problem, it can have a lasting negative impact on your entire life.
Men suffering from premature ejaculation often turn to psychologists to help them resolve any personal issues they might have, hoping that will put an end to their sexual problems, too. Psychologists warn that the majority of men affected by the condition tend to have a deeply rooted fear of intimacy that’s causing them to perform poorly in bed. But how exactly are the two connected and how can you recognize whether fear of intimacy is hidden deep down inside of your mind?
Living in Fear of Intimacy
Those who have problems with premature ejaculation finish quicker than they would want during a sexual intercourse with a partner. According to psychologists, some men tend to finish quickly so they can distance themselves from a partner they unknowingly hate or at least dislike. They may have unresolved issues, there may be some angry sentiments involved, but what’s universal in these cases is that this isn’t a conscious decision. It’s your brain that’s doing this, not you per se.
Things are similar when your fear of intimacy comes into play. Your mind is making you ejaculate quickly and get done with the sex act as soon as possible because you can’t stand sharing an intimate moment with a partner. Not just your current partner, but any partner. To back up this claim, psychologists say that whenever couples go into therapy, they will inevitably be asked about their intimate life. Questions about how active a sex life they have and how often they are intimate are among the first ones asked.
Women whose partners show symptoms of fear of intimacy need to understand that in most cases this has nothing to do with them. Just because a man is unable to last long in bed with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t like you or has unresolved issues with you. Most often, this fear is imprinted on men from a very early age and resolving it is sometimes a lifelong process.
How We Become Scared of Intimate Relationships
It should come as no surprise that our fear of intimacy develops at a very early age. It’s almost always a direct consequence of how we’ve been treated by our parents when we were kids or how we saw and interpreted a possibly strange relationship between our parents. Whether they were abusive to us, neglected us, or were emotionally unfit to parent a child – it all leaves a lasting mark on our psyche.
Once again, this is by no means a conscious process. Instead, this fear becomes a purely biological reaction that reflects our experiences growing up. When you have a skewed idea of what intimacy is all about, you are practically programmed to repeat the same patterns later in your life. Furthermore, the negative emotional experiences you had at a young age may have programmed you to avoid negative feelings to the point where you’re unable to form a proper intimate relationship with another person.
There’s a Way Out
If you’re not ready to face your emotions just yet, it’s completely understandable. There are plenty of pills and techniques around that can help you resolve your problems with premature ejaculation and lead a satisfying sex life. But unless you deal with your emotions head on, your problems may reoccur at a later time and then you’ll have to go through all the stress, anxiety, and misery all over again.
Working with a therapist to recognize what’s preventing you from leading a rich sex life can be extremely beneficial to both your partner and yourself. After all, although premature ejaculation is extremely difficult to you, it’s difficult for your partner, too. Together, the two of you can work to find a solution to the problem and bring back the intimacy to your relationship.